A Really Bad KSI Game Review: Minecraft

Based upon the great feedback I received for my first edition of “A Really Bad KSI Game Review,” I am back. Yes, it is me, the world’s best game reviewer.

I am so good, I don’t even have to purchase or play the games I review.

So here we are. We’re finally getting tired of finding dead bodies and falling off cliffs while chasing little animated rodents, right?

Let’s go back into our living rooms, grab the Cheetos and Mountain Dew, and sit down to play a wholesome console/computer-based game.

That’s why I’m here to tell you about Minecraft.

I have to tell you, I was excited several years ago when Minecraft transitioned to Xbox. I thought, “This is the best game I’ll ever want to buy.”

Hoo boy.

I sat down to watch a few game previews and I was struck by something in particular. What’s up with those graphics?

It’s 2016. We’re working on virtual reality and amazing life-like scenes and someone released a game with the graphics properties of Pong or Space Invaders.

It seems like the game’s creators didn’t care about the graphics, and that gamble might have been a poor one. Nobody wants to play a game with a block-headed main character.

The sound effects sound like they were created for a fourth-grade science project. You can move forward or back, right or left, but not at the same time. You can jump, or you can not jump.

So, what’s the point of block head? What does he do? What’s the point of the game?

Well, here we get into another potential issue. All he does is plunder and strip the environment while killing creatures who are surely more frightened of him than he is of them.

He kills cows and pigs for fun. He knocks down hundreds of trees at a time while digging a hole to hell through Earth’s crust and mantle.

In this time of concern for global warming, Minecraft seems grossly irresponsible for teaching children and adolescents that there are no consequences for depleting natural resources, or that resources are not finite.

Need wood? Chop down all the trees. Need rocks? Steal all the rocks. Need oil? Kill all the dinosaurs and let them rot and decompose until a fuel source is born million of years later.

We should be teaching our children and peers the reality and seriousness of global warming and natural resource depletion, not exploiting the grandiose lie of never-ending stockpiles of materials.

Beyond the egregious exploitation of the environment and the horrible graphics, Minecraft’s trinity of flaws comes to a point when it exploits the fear of the dark and has creatures attack in the night.

I assure you all that those creatures are much more scared of block head than block head is of them, but for some type of blood sport, block head murders them as they seek the warm shelter of your dwelling or structure.

The polarization of society into those “like us” and “them” is why we feel more hopeless than ever. If those “creepers” and block head would just communicate their differences and problems, I’m sure they could work them out constructively.

But overall, the pixelated game play mixed with poor environmental and political messages make Minecraft dangerous for America’s impressionable youth and easily confused gamers.

The game has been wildly popular, so it might be worth a try, but I caution each and every person who hasn’t yet played or bought Minecraft to be weary of the game’s central storylines and to not be brainwashed by the destructive nature of the game.