Completely Ridiculous Opinions About Stoplights – Their Purpose For Traffic, Society & The World In General

Interesting title, huh? Well let me tell ya. This article will bore the crap out of you. It’s about stoplights. Not gaming, or craft beer, or hot chicks in Italy, or the Avengers. It’s about stoplights. Mother-fudging-stoplights.

So if you feel like being put to sleep, read on! If boredom is your dream, then these words will be your melatonin. We make no apologies. Offer no compensation for emotional damages. And have no justification ready to give you once you’re done reading. This is all there is.

Stoplights. Embrace them.

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Every day millions of drivers all over the world get to take advantage of a technology that we actually take for granted on the roads, stoplights. In this article, I want to cover some interesting facts about stoplights, the importance of them in our lives,and what each of the colors represent when we see them.

With technology advancing more and more every single day, you wouldn’t think that stoplights have been around for over 200 years! The first stoplight was actually used on 9 December 1868 outside the house of parliament to control the traffic in London (Hartston, 2014). After it being a huge failure, it wasn’t used again until 5 August 1914 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Hartson,2014).

The next time you’re getting mad at that red light that you just hit on your way to work, stop and think what would happen if that spotlight wasn’t around. It helps us to not have long lines backed up for miles, but makes sure everybody is waiting a reasonable amount of time to allow everybody to get to where they’re going safely.

There are 3 main colors that are used for stoplights. Red means stop,yellow means slow down, and green continue on. Pay close attention to these because they can change pretty quick on anyone.

Stoplights are vital in our lives even in today’s day and age. Be careful on the roads and make sure to look at the stoplight the next time you drive!

KSI Siggy

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Tap tap tap.. that’s the sound of my finger impatiently drumming on the steering wheel like a one woman percussion band. Why am I doing this? Because I’m stuck at a stoplight. Again. As Larry King once said “I’m the Worst person to be stuck in a traffic jam with”.

Advantages. Firstly the big one, traffic and accident prevention. Then there’s things like finally changing that playlist that’s been on repeat forever because you couldn’t be bothered earlier. Too hot? Too cold? Take a moment to adjust the air con. Quickly adjust your makeup or fix your hair.

Disadvantages. Like how they ALWAYS seem to turn red when you’re running late. When your patience is already wearing thin, it’s the last thing you need. Next is the apologetic pedestrian. They wait until the lights are just about to turn green again before doing their weird little shuffle-run across the road giving that half assed wave as they do so.

Something so simple can make such a difference to the world around us. They impact the lives of many, some for the better, some for the worse but they serve a purpose. They make the world a safer place and inconveniencing as they may sometimes be, we are honestly better off with them.

With all that being said I’m going to leave you with this quote to live by “Love and stoplights can be cruel” – Sesame Street

KSI xMinion

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Many have thoughts on stoplights and I wonder what theirs are. For me I’m not sure, I’m conflicted but I will try to break it down and see. Join me.

Oh stop light shining bright in the night light, why do control me so? Why do you turn hateful as I approach and hold me hostage in your crimson light? As I wait for your favor I watch you turn yellow as conflict sets over you, as you take into consideration letting me go or keeping me forever entrapped in your gaze. When you turn green and release me from my bondage I am filled with a sense of glee as I move past and away from you. I forever wonder what it is that gives you such power over me, is it your size? Or perhaps your regal yellow color about you glistening off the light of the environment around you, maybe it’s the way you brighten the night with your rotation of colors. Perhaps your control is rooted in the conditioning we go through as children by you and your tribe on every corner of every road. You guide humanity, telling us when we can travel and when we may not, you never speak to us however. You just give us a color as a command and your will is done. When we do not listen to you we often are met with your fury and killed by another of our own caught in your trance.

KSI FadeZ 7

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Not all heroes wear capes! Some hang on cables and guide your way.

The life of a stoplight is a rather drab affair. Nothing ever changes. You can’t change your hair or the clothes you wear. The weather is heinous and hard to accept. The color green,yellow red always dancing across the front of your chest. Luckily there is usually a friend or two to comfort you in this drab life. Each of you is just alike. Some are old and some are young, mostly they are discernable on the cables they are hung.

The life of a stoplight may seem to be one that is not worth living but, in time you will understand that you are extremely important. Every day you stay awake and never fall asleep, your always chiming colors, directing drivers on the street. As Uncle Ben Spider Man:”With great power comes great responsibility.” Stop Lights they always take this job serious and always have great power.

The excitement of this life continues! You may get to experience car accidents from a birds eyes view and always get to be outside. So next time you are considering what you would like to reincarnate as keep stoplights in mind. As an added note of caution don’t forget to watch out for Roxanne she may try to turn on your red light. Don’t let her.

KSI Harmony 7

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Being an aggressive driver is something that plagues every area of the world. Whether being impatient with slower moving cars, beating lights or not using blinkers while changing lanes, there are ragers everywhere. Statistically though, most issues seem to stem from traffic lights.

Personally, I hate traffic lights. Yeah, they are important but you have a lot of morons who don’t care. Just yesterday I watched a semi speed through an already yellow light and almost t-bone another vehicle. That would have sucked very much since I was two cars away and had a hot coffee in my hand. But I’ve learned a long time ago, “If I complain about a traffic jam, I have no one to blame but myself” – Steve Wynn… Except that semi guy. Yeah he would suck.

Impatience is a virtue gained by these lights too. Learned that from my sister. We were in the car when she was about 3. Light turned green and the guy in front of them didn’t move. Damned cell phones. Anywho, so my dad beeps the horn and out of nowhere my sister screams “LET’S GO BITCH ASS!!!! THE LIGHT IS GREEN!” I about died.

Moral of the story is traffic lights might be the bane of our existence and test our patience but they are there for good reason. Even if this reason is so your sibling or child doesn’t say something that can possibly get you smacked by your mother. Be kind, take your time and hopefully you don’t have a lap full of coffee either.   

KSI Hatter 77

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I fucking hate stoplights. Driving to work, to school, out of town. Nothing pisses me off more than having to slow down, stop and sit for 27 seconds.

“Every problem is like a red signal. If you wait for sometime, it will turn green.” Bullshit. How about just speed up and run it BEFORE it turns red? Now there’s an idea. Everyone should treat all problems in life the same way. Just speed up before it becomes a real issue. Blow by it. Easy and perfect.

Speaking of perfection, I challenge you to take a page out of Steven Wright’s book. He says, “I hooked up the accelerator pedal in my car to my break lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop and I’m gone.” So I guess my second point would be: make other people slower and you’ll be that much faster! Take out the competition while you’re speeding around and your progression will be that much more magnified. Sound plan, yeah? Stay speedy, slow others down and finally – have fun.

There’s no point speeding through life if you’re not gonna have fun while you do. Windows down. Wind in your hair. Radio on blast. An attractive female sitting next to you. That’s literally all you need. And maybe some In-N-Out.

Imagine how simple our world would be if everyone was speeding around, getting where they needed to go on time, not slowing down to get caught up in all the bull of everyday interactions. Having fun.

KSI December 77