In The Kitchen With December: Episode 2

The Best Garlic Bread

Disclaimer: This is about to be the worst introductory paragraph ever. With that in mind, I’d like you to take a moment and read these statements.

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And last but not least…

“Garlic bread. It’s the future. I’ve tasted it.” (Peter Kay)

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Alright, so what have we established? A couple things.

1. People like garlic bread.
   • Because everyone knows, if you take the time to make a meme about something, you OBVIOUSLY really like it.
2. Garlic bread is good.
   • If this many people like it…then how could it not be?
3. I probably like garlic bread too much.
   • Writing an entire article about a single item of food is kinda weird. Yeah, ok. I’ll give you that.

“I’m not the best cook by any means. But I do cook food. And I probably cook food better than you do. Maybe. Unless you went to culinary school or whatever.”

Yeah, I said that. And I stand by it! There are probably tons of ways to make amazing garlic bread. I’m not claiming this is the best way – only that it’s a really, really good way.

Garlic bread is just one of those things that all normal human beings HAVE to love in order to be, well, normal. Like getting back a bigger tax return than you expected or hitting all green lights on the way to work. EVERYONE likes it. It’d be strange not to. (Unless the use of the word “strange” offends you. If it does, substitute “extremely unique” instead.)

Here’s the recipe, guys.

Stage 1: Ingredients

You gotta gather. Luckily though, there’s not a ton of stuff that goes into making this.

• Bread – French bread, rosemary bread, baguettes, etc. Last time I made this I got the 2-pack of french bread from Costco I think.
• Cheese – You’ll want some shredded Mozzarella and Parmesan, plus some grated Parmesan if you really wanna go all the way.
• Garlic – I used Johnny’s Garlic Spread (also from Costco) but you could substitute any garlic salt or mixture.
• Butter – Lots of it.
• Oregano – Because, you know. Oregano is always good, especially on Italian stuff.

Stage 2: Prep

If you’re using a baguette, cut it in half, then cut it length-wise. You want to end up with four sections, each roughly 8-12 inches long.

Melt 1/2 cup of butter (1 stick) and pour evenly over the four pieces of bread. That’s right, I said pour. Not spread. Pour. Let the butter sink into the fabric of the bread. Let them become one. Feel it…slowly seep down…um. Yeah. Anyway.

Next, sprinkle your Johnny’s Garlic Spread on. Be liberal with it. Don’t hold back.

Then comes the cheese. Mozzarella and Parmesan on top, followed by grated Parmesan and Oregano to finish. End result should look like this:

Then stick it in the oven.

Broil it on high, don’t bake it. Unless you want the bread to dry out slightly. Broiling heats it up enough to melt the cheese and burn the edges just a little. This is perfection, in case you were wondering.

Remove from oven.

Cut up in pieces. Or not. Just depends if you plan on sharing.

Stage 3: (there isn’t one)

Apparently this whole process isn’t as complicated to explain as I thought it would be. But there ya go. Now you can no longer say you “don’t know how to make garlic bread”.

Lastly, to reinforce my position, here are some candid thoughts from a couple members who I know for a FACT probably cook better than I do.

“Well, I am Italian and I eat a crap ton of pasta dishes. If you’re eating a pasta dish, there’s a good chance you’re also eating the bread of garlic. However, garlic bread can really be paired with almost any meal. Any meal except for the best meal. Which is if course any form of taco. That would just be an odd pairing. So I guess my opinion is that garlic bread is great, but it’s no taco. When are you doing an opinion piece on tacos? I’m changing my GT to KSI TacoQueen 7. Tacos are super.” (KSI BadKitty 7)

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“Garlic bread in general is God’s gift to mankind. It adds a great buttery base to any saucey meal. Saucey Spaghetti? Lasagna? Use some garlic bread.” (KSI Harmony 7)

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“It’s tasty and its even better with cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese. It is high on my list of yummy things.” (KSI TexAngel 7)

There ya go. You got the facts. Go make some garlic bread. And remember – don’t cook naked.

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